literature

Captivated: Prologue

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Literature Text

His hands loosened around the young boy’s shoulders—the white of his eyes reflecting the fear which had now settled like a rock in his stomach. The young boy, surprised and trembling, stumbled back.
“What did you say, boy?” the voice was cold and condescending—like jagged edges of ice that pierced the boy’s mind.
“Y-you’ll rule…b-but you’ll be stopped,” the young boy stammered, gulping back the tears.
“By who?” those two words bounced off the damp, cave walls, fading away into the darkness. The young boy wished that he could fade away—disappear from the sight of this tyrant.
“I don’t know!” tears burned at his eyes. He felt so weak. Why did he have to be so cursed? Why could he not have had one of the more common powers like the other people of the village? The whole world seemed to be against him.
“Don’t lie to me.”
He could not even make eye contact with the beast—for there is no other word to describe such a man—before him. The boy took only two steps back until he felt the coldness of the cave wall through the thin fabric of his shirt. He shuddered, terrified as he realized that there was no possible escape route. It was too late now; he had said too much.
“Tell me!” the voice roared, a hand lifted up threateningly. Fire dancing in those glaring eyes. What  Amitola had ever seen in this man, the boy wondered, was beyond him.
Choking back on the words, the boy sobbed for he could not control the tears any longer. “The four chosen ones will see to your downfall,” the words seemed powerless, though, as the young boy fell to his knees, hiding his face in the palm of his dirty hands. He awaited darkness to fall upon him—it never did.
Loko’ino had disappeared from the cave when the boy finally had the courage to look up, long after the tears had dried, staining his cheeks. Outside the sun was shining, but the boy knew it would not be that way for long, and it was all of his fault.
-GASPS-

NOT POETRY? NO WAI!!!
Cassy can't write novels!

I know. I know I can't.
But I entered this contest-thingy.
50,000 words by the end of November and only one month to do it.
I've been toying with this idea for a VERY long time.


So uhm, yeah read it. Love it. This is only the prologue. It sucks. I know. I can't write prologues. I do believe Chapter One gets better...


Feel free to journey with me through this quest. I will appreciate all pointers, grammar-structure help, ANYTHING.
I really do suck at writing this kind of stuff.



I am sorry I have not gotten to updating. I will...erm. eventually. ^^;
SOON. I mean SOON! ^^
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Red-James's avatar
only thing i can think of that could be worked on is possible detail the man more... you do some... but giving him some more physical features might not be a bad idea