This Is Who I Am

This is who I am—I can’t change. I’ve tried—
                  I’m the girl who laughs too loud
With the jeans that will never fit quite right
                   Baggy because she’s ashamed of how she looks.
Yet she has no problems walking around in pajamas that went out of style last year.

This is who I am—I’ll never have the gorgeous hair
              It’s always in disarray—a mess she doesn’t know what to do with.
Looks like she always just rolled out of bed and stepped out into the world
                               Smelling like vanilla and conditioner.
And she’ll smile at you so you don’t see the embarrassing flush that enters her cheeks.

This is who I am—I’ll never be able to compete
               Against the other beauty queens who can so seemingly capture a heart.
And yet you try to convince me I’m beautiful—but I’m slow to believe
                            Because when I look in the mirror
                                          It’s never beauty that I see.

This is who I am—a wanna-be poet trying to make it in the world of unlocked talent
                This is who I am—afraid of opening up and allowing things to roll off her back
She won’t tell you when she’s hurting inside. Oh no…you’ll never know
                                     When she really just wants to break down and cry
                                                             I’m not like that.

This is who I am—just wanting you to be happy. Just wanting you to be free
                      This is who I am—not wanting to burden you with my misery.
It’s not your fault. It’s entirely mine and my view of the world
                               Don’t want to hurt you or anyone. Not anymore.
                                         I just wish I could be what you want me to be.

                                                      But I know I can’t…